Thoughts and Things... The Kel Spencer Edition

#WarriorPoet-

"They both looked at each other in relief that it’s finally almost over. See, Greg and Samantha were taking a 90-day intensive orientation for their new job. Their new careers, required that they (along with 11 others) spend 90-days at the training facilities to fully understand the nuances of the company. The group was allowed limited physical contact with their loved ones, which forced them to become very close over these 90 days… Greg and Samantha got a little too close and Greg’s wife’s female intuition kicked in once he came home from orientation.  On the last day of Orientation, Greg and Samantha had a few drinks, and Samantha made it known what she wanted from Greg and how badly she wanted it. A few days later, Greg’s wife rolled over in the middle of the night, turned on the lamp and said, “Greg, I know you want her. You’re a man, she’s an attractive woman, I get it. My question to you is, do you love her or is this just a physical thing?” Greg was honest enough to tell her that it was just physical. She then replied with, “Well, just this once, go… have sex with her and get it out of your system. But I don’t want to hear about it after this.” What are your thoughts??

Tommy and Patricia are excited about having their first child. Patricia is due in 2 months and they’re starting to pick out baby names for the little girl who’s on the way. After a brief discussion, Tommy insists that the baby be named Veronica. That wasn’t Patricia’s top choice but she agrees. Fast forward 2 years later, Tommy’s mom asks that the couple come over and help her clean out her basement. As Patricia and Tommy’s mom are going through boxes, they come across Tommy’s old High School year book. The entire 2 pages of centerfold has an 18-picture collage of a young Tommy madly in love with his High School sweetheart… Veronica. Hmmm… What do you think?

Jimmy and Clarissa dated on and off for years. Jimmy was always into Clarissa but he wasn’t sure if he could be with her because Clarissa has a child and that’s a major commitment for Jimmy. As of late, Jimmy has been getting more and more into church and because of that, he came to the realization that because God is the one true father over us all, as a man, he has the ability to step up to the plate and also be a father to a boy who may not biologically be his own. And since, the child’s father is virtually non-existent, Jimmy recognized that there wouldn’t be any Baby Daddy drama so he decided to commit to being in his first ever monogamous relationship with Clarissa. Jimmy continued to grow in his spirituality and started to develop a certain disgust when it came to sin, especially sexual sins (ie Lust, Adultery, Fornication, etc…). At that point, he decided that he and Clarissa should stop having sex out-of-wedlock. Clarissa respected that decision and they stopped. Later, during a conversation with Clarissa and her (4-year old) son, Jimmy learned that the reason the son’s father has ZERO contact with them is because he lives states away, with his two other children and his WIFE. His wife doesn’t want him having contact with Clarissa and the son because the son’s father cheated on his wife with Clarissa and that’s how the son… Jimmy’s new non-biological son was born. Given Jimmy’s new view on Adultery, and the fact that these details are now being disclosed after he’s already in this relationship, along with the idea that the son will eventually discover what a side-chick means AND that he was conceived under those circumstances made that an interesting situation for me because… Ooops, I mean for Jimmy! Yeah, for Jimmy! But ummm… yeah, how would you feel? : /

The previous scenarios are all closely connected to this Side-Chick epidemic. In scenario 1, Is there a difference between thinking someone is attractive and actually being attracted to them? Or is it all the same?? In story #2, Is it ok that you’re in a relationship and getting devotion from a person who may not have an actual physical person on the side but they’re only giving you a percentage of their emotional investment while the rest of it is being spent on someone else? In situation #3, If you have a certain view-point on Side-Chick syndrome yet you’ve unknowingly committed to a side-chick OR the results of a person’s side-chick ways, do you just eat that or do you leave the situation? My overall point is, the term “Side-Chick” is supported by the underlying theme of emotional displacement. Your emotions should be over here, yet they’re all the way over there somewhere. And we’re all guilty of this in varying degrees. I’m wondering if we all need to start taking ourselves to emotional school at some point. Take a listen to the song below as it has a little to do with cheating, emotional immaturity, Side-Chick Syndrome and more. It’s from my 2009 Release called “Salon Stories” featuring and produced by my brother from another mother, Sonny Brix! And if you haven’t already checked out Side-Chick Syndrome Pt. 1 then YOU’RE PLAYING YOURSELF lol!!"
 

Thoughts and Things.... Kel Spencer Edition

#WarriorPoet- SIDE-CHICK SYNDROME Pt. 1

 

   "I had an interesting talk with a woman recently. Her words were, “In today’s world, I’ll be a side-chick all day!” Wait, Wait… Let me paint the picture for you before I proceed. Now, close your eyes and… Hmmm… You can’t exactly read with your eyes closed huh. Ok, keep ‘em open. Peep the scenery; The 4pm alarm sounded on Friday. All of the factory workers took off their hard hats and wiped the sweat from their brows while forming a small smirk because it was Friday. That means it’s payday, and the weekend is here. They lined up at the trailer to clock out and get their paychecks. Not many of them had bank accounts at the time, after all this is the 1950′s BUT they would all take their checks to get them cashed. They would then follow their regular routine of taking about 80% of it home to their wife, kissing her on the cheek and then spending the weekend with their girlfriend.

Sounds crazy huh… Well, believe it or not, this was an on-going ‘practice’ for many men back then… (Actually, it’s still happening today in varying degrees). And it wasn’t/isn’t specific to any particular race. Men would spend the week with their wife and kids. They would be fully responsible for their household (at least superficially) from bills to fixing things around the home to teaching little Johnny how to swing a bat. But on the weekends, they would gladly slide on over to their side chick’s house. And sometimes, this side chick would be the mother of his other child or children. YES, Sometimes this dude would have an entire other family. I know people who are all too familiar with this type of set up and I actually have an uncle who is/was “that dude.” To top it all off, the wife knows about the side-chick and the same for the inverse. Now, they’re not cool with each other. And their children don’t play with each other but they each know that the other exists. And the bottom line for allowing this to happen is some good ole Vitamin S.

Like I was saying, I had an interesting talk with a woman recently who said that she actually prefers being a ‘side joint.’ She stated all of her reasons why. She shared experiences in which she had on-going relationships with married men. Sometimes the man’s wife knew about her. Sometimes he didn’t. Sometimes they’d go out-of-town to meet. Sometimes it was right in their own backyards. Blah Blah Blah… As you know, I never judge people, which is why most of the people around me, feel secure enough to share their inner most thoughts and feelings with me. And as much as I have my own thoughts and feelings about this situation, I do understand her logic because it all was supported by her need, want and desire for Vitamin S. She then asked,

“Why do you think that women get turned on when they see a wedding band on a man?“

She then went on to explain that in her mind, most women won’t marry trash. A husband provides(or at least SHOULD provide) valuable assets to a household. These are things that women are programmed to want since we were girls. A wedding band represents that and when women (especially in a world where some of us women only have slim pickings to choose from) see a wedding band on a man, it turns some of us on because it indirectly implies that he can supply that good ole Vitamin S. And S stands for SECURITY. He may not always be there to fix my leaky faucet. He may not be there every night to hold me. He may not be there for me to share my day with him but the fact that I know that he has it in him to supply Vitamin S, even if it’s not 100% in my direction, I’d much rather have that then have the scary uncertainty of one of these jerks who claim to be men but don’t have it all together. And my good people, I have been out on numerous occasions with some of my married homeboys and man oh man, when they see that wedding band, some of these women flock to them like a moth to a flame!

I was shocked to hear her actually say it. I mean, you know that there are people who subscribe to this train of thought and you see it all of the time but to see her lips actually form the syllables and audible lexicon was astounding. And guess what, she is a part of a growing population of women who are absolutely fine with having side-chick syndrome and getting their dose of Vitamin S regardless of whose man it is. Sometimes, in addition to the Vitamin S, there’s money, or status, or career advancement, or just some quality happy horizontal goingz on, with no real commitment and/or attachment. And that’s perfectly fine with them! Moreover, when the ‘main-chicks’ are willing to form an understanding and some form of agreement with their man having side-chicks, it makes the relationship landscape for the future a very interesting one. And I’ll tell you what, with things like this floating around in the media, (of which I co-sign NOTHING) don’t be surprised of a law allowing “Polygamy” (with some form of financial gain for the economy of course) goes into effect down the road."

#Salute Kel Spencer